Is it I, Lord?

We are approaching the end of Passover and Matthew’s gospel gives us the chilling account of the betrayal of Jesus by Judas. Judas had been out and about making preparations to betray Jesus but he sits down with all the other disciples at the Passover supper. Jesus is aware of what is happening, and I can’t imagine how painful this is to Him.

The text says, “As they were eating, He said, “Assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me” (Matt. 26:21). The disciples are extremely shocked and sad, after all, it's not something you want to hear after living day and night with Jesus for three years. It’s not something you bring up during the middle of a holy meal, yet Jesus did just that. He did it in the middle of His community, because its not just His betrayal, it is the community’s betrayal. He is aware of who the betrayer is, aware of all that will happen later that evening, and yet here He sits in the middle of His family, of which one is the betrayer.

I think Jesus did this prophetic act so that later when the disciples thought of it, they would know that Jesus knew and that His death did not come by chance, but was something that Jesus knew He was headed for and destined for. There is something disconcerting about following a leader who doesn’t see it coming. There is something incredibly inspiring about following a leader who does see it coming and stands up into His destiny despite what it costs.

Jesus does nothing to try and talk Judas out of it, but he does say that it would have been better for HIs betrayer not to have been born. I can only imagine the face of Judas going white then going red with increased blood pressure as he realizes that Jesus knows. I can only imagine. I can’t imagine.

Jesus extends the question to all the disciples and it hangs in the air like a heavy cloud darkening the atmosphere of the celebration of the Lord’s saving act to His people so long ago. But here is my point. As He looks at each of His disciples, they one by one ask, “Lord, is it I?” Each of them had the heart to find out if it was they themselves that would betray Him.

I’m sure their hearts were not completely pure and like a searchlight, this announcement by the Lord would bring up any times when they doubted that Jesus was who He said He was or anytime they had been pushed past their ability to understand and had thought to leave Him. I’m sure they quickly began to wager a guess as to who it was as they pushed aside any sense of their own guilt. Yet in that moment, suspended in some sort of eternal moment of decision, they had the courage to ask “Is it I?”

What a penetrating question that struck deep into their hearts, separating soul and spirit. For whatever reason, even Judas asks this of Him. Perhaps it was to cover his guilt, to appear surprised, even to test Jesus, perhaps all those things. His question springs as a cover for guilt and not as a genuine inquiry.

It is a time to allow the Lord to ask us tough questions. He asks these questions so the deepest things in our hearts can rise to the surface to be helped. He did this from start to finish in His ministry and He was doing it there and then--but He is also doing it here and now. His questions are never because He doesn’t know the answer but because He does know the answer all too well and we do not. Our hearts are expert at hiding the truth, the real reason, the actual cause. Jesus!

Let us let You search our hearts, dear Lord! Look deep, ask us the hard questions, reveal, uncover, expose so that You might make us true and straight as an arrow shot from the quiver of God. Let every pretense, every hiding place, be searched. We needn’t be afraid to admit we need help. So, Lord, Help us! Make us “pure and holy, tried and true.” Please.

Stepping it Up a Notch at 60

 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Return, O Lord, how long? and let it repent thee concerning thy servants. O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.” (Psalm 90:12-14) 

While we are eternal beings in an ultimately real sense, we are also mortals while on this earth. The Psalmist tells us to “number our days” that we might gain perspective of how short earthly life is compared to eternity, and how imperative it is that our earthly sojourn count much for the eternal kingdom of God.

 A couple of us at Women of the Word are turning 60 this year! With that comes a soberness of heart that causes us to turn to the Lord, and implore Him to use us as He wills. There can be nothing held back from Him in this hour. As our bodies age, our spirit can burn every more brightly because we identify with our Lord and understand His purposes and ways in an even greater way. The desire and pursuits of earlier decades give way to increasingly wholehearted and unreserved abandon to our God and His passionate work to win all peoples to Himself.

 There are some things that can not be completely done when we are young because we do not yet have the experience. Maturity in God happens over the course of decades-- line upon line of faithful walking with God, day in and day out, through the many storms of life. While youth has energy, the seasoned have come to know that of themselves, they can do nothing and their self-trust has given way to trust in God alone, or at least a deeper understanding of that. There are no shortcuts to some things. Knowing where you end, and where God begins is a great wisdom.

 Paul writes, “Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. 4 And endurance develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character produces joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. While we were yet in weakness [powerless to help ourselves], at the fitting time Christ died for us in our ungodly condition Romans 5:3-6 Amplified).

By the time we turn 60, our character is soberingly starting to show itself for what it is. Now is our wake-up call to be awake, and surrendered, and fit for the Master’s use. For if not now, when? If we have not taken the claims of Jesus upon our life seriously, we had best get down on our knees. And if we have, there are always deeper, more wonderful depths to plumb.

I feel that I am only getting to the starting line and I have endeavored to run the race with sobriety for these many decades! God views our life from the finish point. He stands at our finish line and beckons us to run well, run with abandon, run with character, run with grace. So let us do that, with all our mind, heart, soul and strength. There is no time to lose, and no time like the present to press into God.

Thoughts as the Old Passes into the New

It has been an interesting year.  Somewhere along the line  I felt like I have fallen through the back of my wardrobe into a landscape much wilder than Narnia. The prophet Isaiah, had a year like that, only I imagine it was even more intense, "In the year King Uzziah died, he writes, I saw the Lord high and lifted up and  His train filled the temple." (Isaiah 6:1) .  His look at God spun him around and threw him to the floor. There was nothing much left of him but his eyes and his ears.

A seraphim approaches him and puts a burning coal on his lips, and while this purges him, it makes him aware that his speech does not do God justice. And all that he hears spoken around him and by him falls far short of the glory of God. His own lips are not prepared to be in the Presence of God.  And yet, he sees God and God sees him and his response is to want to speak purely of God and for God.

I'm not sure what I've seen this year, but its like having spent a long time climbing to a top of a very tall mountain, a mountain that has to be climbed with trepidation, step by step, and takes all of your attention so that you cannot look around til you reach the summit. And then, the last step, as you stand and look to survey what you have climbed up there for,  is one vast, immense panorama of incredible splendor and beauty and order and wonder as far as the eye can see. Yes, that's where I've been. 

To have a place to stand and see oneself in perspective is an INCREDIBLE gift. One that has blown me away to the degree that I have dared to look. There are things in life that tend to close down our vision of God and ourselves. We end up with a kind of a tunnel vision born of fear. We can only see a small section of the path straight ahead and sometimes that is all we need to see, but there are also times when the blinder's come off and we are allowed to see the whole panorama, all of it at once, for God only knows entirely why, but definitely for a reason connected with one's destiny.

Last year I had the pleasure of visiting the Isle of Man. I don't know who named it that, but on the ground it's beautiful but normal.  It's Man. It's what born of man, and belongs to man, and is of man: just like so much of our experience. There is a mountain peak on the Isle called Snaefell. Its the only place on the island where you can see seven kingdoms just by turning around : England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Mann, the Sea, and Heaven! To see the panorama from the top is to somehow change you, to pull you out of Man and to bring you up to a higher place.

I'm acclimating to the higher place, I'm acclimating to the great expanse of Heaven, to the Kingdom of God unfolding in ways that I could not see a year ago.  I'm acclimating to being mostly only eyes and ears, and having angels touch my lips with coals, and seeing the train of God's glory fill the temple.  If you know what I'm saying, you have been there, and if you don't quite know what I'm saying, I'm not sure I can explain it.

I intend to let whatever is happening have its full work! I intend to stand and breath in the thick smoke of God filling the temple. I intend to let God change me and use me in whatever way He chooses. I intend for 2018 to be an amazing year. Lord, make Your dwelling place in me as I make myself a fit dwelling place for You!  

Just One Look

Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “One thing you lack: Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me.” (Mark 10:21)

It often seems like personal transformation takes a long time, sometimes a lifetime, and in some respectable way it does. We are always journeying deeper into God and thus being transformed by that process. But in God's design there are spiritual wormholes of a sort-- strategic moments that can take you quickly from one place to another, even though the distance traveled is quite vast. If God fixes his eyes upon us, we will be overcome by a mighty interaction that can forever change us, and change us quickly!

 In Mark's gospel we see Jesus gazing upon a spiritual inquirer, with a transformational offer: The rich young man was not seeing the big picture of his life and came to Jesus-- seeking, yes, but seeking in his own small box, for a small answer from a small God. He knew he lacked but couldn't imagine what that lack really was. He thought he wanted to know how much more religious he would have to be to get rid of the dull ache in his quickly emptying soul. Jesus calls him to give up his money, not to Jesus ministry, but to the poor.

Jesus knows he will need a personal gobsmack, and not like what he was getting from the "we'll take your money for God" types, but something truly earth shattering, to ever have hope of being able to fly free. The real bounty here is the gaze of Jesus opening an opportunity to risk it all to get something far better.

 Ponder with me for a moment, these words, " and Jesus, looking at him, loved him"---Can you imagine the power of that look? Can you imagine the compassion pouring forth from the heart of the Father through the eyes of Jesus? Can you sense what Jesus saw as He looked, knowing, understanding, all that stood in this young man's way before He could truly enter the kingdom of God?

Dear ones, one look like that could transform your whole life. Know deeply that God is looking at you with that kind of compassionate gaze. He sees the obstacles, he sees your humanity, he understands all that is clouded and broken. And yet in one instant His look of love has the power to heal and transform.

Gaze upon us, O God!

 And not only that, God wants to impart that same powerful ability to us to gaze compassionately into the eyes and hearts of those around us. There will come a day, and may it be very soon, even today, that we as followers of Jesus are able to gaze into the hearts and souls of men and by one look, bring the opportunity for transformation. May we make the Father's love so apparent to each that we encounter that when they look at us, they see the love of the One who can change impossible situations, the One that can by one look, call us forth and bring that which is dead to life. May we as the corporate people of God look with great compassion on others, and truly love them, so that they find courage to follow Jesus into the life the are meant to lead.

 Can you feel God looking at you in that way?

I can..... and you can, too.

Open your heart. Jesus is looking at you, dear friend, right now.

The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are 
many dark places.
But still there is much that is fair. And though in all lands,
love is now  mingled with grief, it still grows, perhaps,
the greater"--JRR Tolkien, The Two Towers

photo taken in Feeding Hills, MA

Make Me Thy Fuel, O Flame of God!

 

 

“From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
 

From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
... From all that dims Thy Calvary

O Lamb of God, deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
 

Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.”

 

-Amy Carmichael

 

Putting Away That Which Hinders

"Comrades in this solemn fight- this awful conflict with awful powers- let us settle it as something that cannot be shaken: We are here to live holy, loving, lowly lives. We cannot do this unless we walk very, very close to the Lord Jesus. Anything that would hinder us from the closest walk that is possible to us till we see Him face to face is not for us. We need to be sensitive to the first approach of the hindering thing. For the sake of the souls that may be stumbled if we turn even ever so little aside, for the sake of our Master's glory- dearer surely to us than all else- let us ask Him to show us whether in anywise we have been showing crooked patterns." - Amy Carmichael

(trees in a massive windstorm, Feeding Hills, MA)

If you want the fire of God, you must become the fuel of God

                      If you want the fire of God, you must become the fuel of God.
                                                                                          --Tom Tenney

photo taken in Cambridge, UK


 

 

Enter Ye In At the Narrow Gate

Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many be they that enter in thereby (Matthew 7:13)

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way,.... And so, difficult to enter in at; and when entered, the way is unpleasant to the flesh to walk in, being hedged up on each side with afflictions and tribulations; and moreover, is like the "narrow place", or , "the strait place", as the Septuagint in Numbers 22:26 render it; in which the angel that met Balaam stood; and in which there was no turning to the right hand or the left; and such is the way to eternal happiness. The great encouragement to walk on in it is, because it is that way

which leadeth unto life: unto eternal life: it certainly leads thither; it never fails of bringing persons to it; believers in Christ, all that walk in Christ the way, though they are said to be "scarcely" saved, by reason of their afflictions and trials, they meet with in their way to the kingdom; yet they are, and shall be certainly saved: they shall be safely brought to glory; which will be an abundant recompense for all the troubles and sorrows that have attended them in their journey.

And few there be that find it; the way, and so consequently the life it leads to. "The gate is strait"; small and little, and so unobserved: there is but one way to heaven, and the generality of men neglect it. "The way is narrow", and so disagreeable; the company few, and not engaging. Men choose large gates, broad ways, and much company. The flesh loves to walk at liberty, unconfined, and uncontrolled, and with a multitude to do evil: hence, Zion's ways are thin of passengers; a small number, comparatively speaking, walk thereto, and will be saved; a remnant, a little flock, a little city, and few men in it. (Gill's Commentary on the
Whole Bible)


photo taken in Southington, CT

Jonathan Edwards: I Know Not How to Express...

This I know not how to express otherwise than by a calm, sweet abstraction of soul from all the concerns of this world; and sometimes a kind of vision, or fixed ideas and imaginations, of being alone in the mountains, or some solitary wilderness, far from all mankind, sweetly conversing with Christ, and wrapt and swallowed up in God. The sense I had of divine things would often of a sudden kindle up, as it were, a sweet burning in my heart; an ardor of soul, that I know not how to express.
... I walked abroad alone, in a solitary place in my father’s pasture, for contemplation. And as I was walking there, and looking upon the sky and clouds, there came into my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious majesty and grace of God, as I know not how to express. I seemed to see them both in a sweet conjunction; majesty and meekness joined together: it was a sweet, and gentle, and holy majesty; and also a majestic meekness; an awful sweetness; a high, and great, and holy gentleness.



photo taken on the far side of Pike's Peak...
near the Florrisant Fossil Beds,
Colorado

Snow Falling on Cardinal

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.”


--Mother Teresa
snow falling on cardinal at my window....

And the Cream of All My Heart I Will Bring Thee

King of Glorie, King of Peace,

I will love thee:

And that love may never cease,

I will move thee.

Thou hast granted my request,

Thou hast heard me:

Thou didst note my working breast,

Thou hast spar’d me.

Wherefore with my utmost art

I will sing thee,

And the cream of all my heart

I will bring thee.

Though my sinnes against me cried,

Thou didst cleare me;

And alone, when they replied,

Thou didst heare me.

Sev’n whole dayes, not one in seven,

I will praise thee.

In my heart, though not in heaven,

I can raise thee.

Thou grew’st soft and moist with tears,

Thou relentedst:

And when Justice call’d for fears,

Thou disentedst.

Small it is, in this poore sort

To enroll thee:

Ev’n eternitie is to short

To extoll thee.

The Temple: George Herbert 1633

photo taken in cathedral at Ludlow, England 

Longing to See the Beauty of The Lord

Is longing for the Beauty the happiest place of all? Longing to gaze upon
the Beauty of the Lord and to seek Him, the place where all joy spills
from? Now matter how manifested, beauty is what sparks the romance
and we are the Bride pursued, the Lover pursuing, and known or
unbeknownst, He woos us in the romance of all time, beyond
time. I ache for the oneness.

--1000 Gifts,
Ann Voskamp

photo taken at Winterthur,
Wilmington, Delaware 

The Life of True Holiness ....

The life of true holiness is rooted in the soil of awed adoration.
It does not grow elsewhere.

--J.I. Packer

photo taken in Abergavenny, Wales
(roots growing on bark of a tree)

THE CHRISTIAN JOURNEY


Life is a journey, often a short one, and always uncertain.

But there is another journey.

The believer is traveling through a waste howling wilderness, to another and a glorious region,
where ineffable delight and happiness await us.

The road is narrow, the entrance strait, so strait that thousands miss it and perish in the
wilderness. But true believers, under the teaching and convoy of the Holy Spirit, find it
and walk in it.

The King, in His infinite love and compassion, has made a hedge about them, separating
and defending them from the many beasts of prey that lurk around them; and although
they hear their howlings and behold their threatenings, they are safe from their power.


But their strongest foe is within themselves; a heart deceitful above all things and
desperately wicked. From this there is no escape but by constant watchfulness, and
earnest cries to their best Friend and Guide for protection.

Were it not for this faithful Guide, how often, discouraged by reason of the way,
would they turn back!

But He....

watches over them by night and by day,

strengthens them when weak,

upholds them when falling,

encourages them when cast down,

defends them when attacked,

provides for them when in need,

leads them by living streams, and

causes them there to lie down in pleasant

pastures, and on sunny banks.

And as they advance they obtain brighter views of the good land they are nearing, and
they long to see the King in His beauty, and the land that is yet very far off, and to meet
those that have already arrived on that happy shore.


taken from
Grace Gems
 
photo taken near Glencoe, Scotland

Be My Journey and my Far Destination!

Great Light, Mover of all that is moving and at rest, be my Journey and my far Destination, be my Want and my Fulfilling, be my Sowing and my Reaping, be my glad Song and my stark Silence. Be my Sword and my strong Shield,be my Lantern and my dark Night, be my everlasting Strength and my piteous Weakness. Be my Greeting and my parting Prayer, be my bright Vision and my Blindness, be my Joy and my sharp Grief, be my sad Death and my sure Resurrection.

--Stephen Lawhead, Merlin
taken from the Celtic Daily Prayer Book,
Northumbria Community, November 20

photo taken in Ambleside, UK

Following Christ into the Wilderness

"If you have men who will only come if they know there is a good road,

I don't want them. I want men who will come if there is no road at all"

 - David Livingstone

photo taken in White Sands, New Mexico